Ernest Smith

We are in the fifth, and final, posting of a 5-part blog series on how to have a successful marriage.  I am writing this blog, not as one who has figured it all out, but rather one who has learned some things over the last 8 years of marriage and thought I would share those with any who would want to read.

For the previous tips to a successful marriage or relationship, go here…tip #1, tip #2, tip #3 and tip #4.

The fifth tip is one that is specific to the men.  Tip #5: Men: Lead Your Wife Spiritually

Although I have been with Sara, dating and married, for over 12 years, I can admit that I still don’t fully understand her.  Women are difficult to understand, as they would probably say the same about us…or not.  However, there is one thing that I know about women…ALL women want a man who will lead them spiritually.

It doesn’t matter if they voice this desire or not, deep down, every woman yearns for a man who is going to care for them and lead them spiritually.  It is a desire that God has instilled in them.   And although this is a desire by every woman, it is one that many men, if not most men, in our country neglect.  But, why?

Why do so many men neglect their wives spiritually?  Why do so many men forget to meet one of the most intrinsic needs every woman has?  I believe men neglect to be the spiritual leader for two reasons.

        1.       They Neglect Their Own Spiritual Lives

It’s difficult to lead someone spiritually if a person is not leading themselves spiritually.  Many men can’t lead their wives because they are not actively engaging their own lives in a pursuit of God.

One of the godliest men I know, Pastor Michael Morris, spoke truth to me, a long time ago, about this subject.  He said, “Ernest, if your wife is struggling spiritually, it is because you are struggling spiritually.”  When he first said these words, I thought he had bumped his head on something.

It made no sense to me at that time.  I thought, “If my wife is struggling spiritually, it is because she is struggling  spiritually.”  However, over the years, those words have proven true in my marriage with Sara.  Any time, I have seen Sara struggling in her relationship with God; I have always been able to identify an area, or many areas of my life that are struggling spiritually.

Just two months ago, Sara and I were having difficulty with communication.  We were not on the same page and we could not seem to break what some call “The Crazy Cycle.”  As I began to pray and seek the Lord, these words by Pastor Morris rang in my heart, and so I asked God to reveal where it was that I was struggling.  After a brief time in prayer, God made it clear that my prayer life was out of whack and I was not spending sufficient time praying for Sara and our relationship.  Once, I addressed this issue, we saw breakthrough in our relationship.

The second reason so many men don’t lead their wives spiritually is because…

        2.       They Don’t Have Confidence That They Can or They Don’t Know How

It is at this point that I am going to take a break and pick this point up in the next post.  I could write a book on this subject, so to do this point justice and to make sure you aren’t reading a book, I will write about this in the next post.

Bottom line…Men, we need to step up our game and be greater spiritual leaders for our wives.  Women, make sure you don’t settle for a “good man”, but be patient for the best spiritual leader God brings your way.