Ernest Smith

If you have been following along with us for a couple weeks, then you might be aware that we are supposed to be starting a new topic of discussion today.  However, as I was finishing the blog posts on Monday, about marriage, I determined that I needed more space to write about this final tip.

If you would like to go back and read the previous tips to a successful marriage or relationship, go here…tip #1, tip #2, tip #3, tip #4 and tip #5a

As pointed out in the last post, the fifth tip is one that is specific to the men.  Tip #5: Men: Lead Your Wife  Spiritually

I mentioned last time that many men neglect their wives spiritually.  But, the question is why?  In attempting to answer the why, I gave two reasons men neglect their wives.

1.       They Neglect Their Own Spiritual Lives

Men neglect their wives spiritually because they neglect their own lives spiritually.  I wrote more on that in tip #5a.

The second reason that men neglect their wives is…

2.       They Don’t Have Confidence That They Can or They Don’t Know How

I’m not sure why this point is true, but based on my conversations with many guys I just know that many men struggle with the concept of being the spiritual leader.  Most godly women are looking for a man who is going to be a strong  spiritual leader, but what does that mean?

Does a strong spiritual leader get on his face every morning for two hours to pray before he wakes up his wife with  breakfast in bed?

Does a strong spiritual leader have 1/3 of the Bible memorized, including all of Leviticus?

Does a strong spiritual leader fast every fourth day, while still cooking excellent meals for his bride?

Does a strong spiritual leader lead a person to Christ every day before coming home singing worship songs while he enters the house?

Although these questions may seem outlandish, the reality is, there are many women who believe this is what a strong spiritual leader looks like.  At the same time, there are many men who also have this false understanding of God’s calling on their life.

Now, what I’m not saying is that any of these disciplines are not necessary to be a spiritual leader.  All men, who desire to be the spiritual leader, should spend time praying, studying and memorizing God’s Word, fasting and sharing their faith, as well as many other disciplines that Jesus modeled for us.  However, what I am saying is that we must knock down these false walls of unrealistic expectations that entrap men into a life of guilt, shame and isolation.  When men feel like they are not measuring up to what they “need” to become, then they feel dejected and ultimately will give up in who they are “called” to become.

The first thing that men need to do to become spiritual leaders, after leading themselves spiritually, is to have confidence that God has called them to be the spiritual leader and if God has called them to be that, then He will equip them to  become successful in that role.  God never calls the equipped, but always equips the called.  Husbands…remember that!  God will equip you to do what He has called you to do.

The second thing that men must do, once they have a confident belief that God will equip them, is to learn and practice.  Every person is different, which means every relationship is different, which means every means for a man to lead his wife spiritually will be different.  You simply need to learn different ways to lead your spouse and then practice those ways to see what best fits your personality and your relationship.

You may lead best by simply asking questions.  You may lead best by being a man of prayer.  You may lead best by having Bible studies every night.  You may lead best by giving things away.  Every man is going to lead differently, the key is not becoming discouraged by what you see others doing, but rather watch some men who you respect and lead your wife in a similar fashion that they lead theirs.

If you become frustrated and guilty, then you will give up.  If you have confidence that the God who made you is also the God who has equipped you to do what He has called you to do, then you will see success.  Spiritual leadership is ultimately about showing our spouse that we are seeking God and that we trust Him in all things.  You won’t be perfect at this, but that is part of the development.

Ladies, encourage your husbands or future husbands.  Speak words of life to them.  Point out areas where they are leading your family well.

Men, be confident in who God has made you to be.  Don’t be concerned about meeting some status quo, but rather do what God is calling you to do…ultimately that is to seek Him and to trust Him.  If you do those two things, you will find your relationship with your wife in the best place it has ever been.